Archive for August, 2012

FAT

Yeah, you heard that right, I’m fat. Been fat for a while now. Had lots of excuses for being fat. I’d blame the fibro, blame my lack of metabolism, blame yadda blame. But you know, I wasn’t always fat. Yes, I’ve got a large frame but I wasn’t always *fat*. And avoidance and denial do nothing but make it worse. Avoiding photos so I don’t have to see it doesn’t make it go away. My back hurts, my knees hurt, and honestly my health is an issue because I allow it to be. It’s not like I didn’t know what I needed to do.

So I’m seeing a new doctor. One that doesn’t make me want to scream. One that isn’t going to pump me full of pills.

I’m getting help for my digestion and metabolism and thyroid and adrenals and all that stuff that is currently pretty screwed up.

I am walking a mile a day, uphill.

John and I have Y memberships we haven’t used since we got them in May, so now we are going every Wednesday to swim.

I run up and down our stairs 4+ times a day because they’re there.

I joined a social network for exercising which, oddly enough, helps motivate me to get my ass out of this chair.

We do eat well, we do. Only eat out once a week and then it’s usually fish or chicken. We eat fish and veggies at home. No soda. No junk food.

When I was younger and healthy I weighed in at 175 lbs. That put my BMI at 26.6 which is a healthy range.

Right now, at my worst, I am 258 lbs and 39.2 BMI, which is bad. Let’s just say bad and leave it at that.

So the goal is to get back below BMI 30. For me that will be 197 lbs.

But I know that’s not enough. So the real goal is to get back below 180. That’s 78 lbs to lose.

I want to be healthy.
I want to not be so tired.
I want to not feel so old.
I want the energy to do fun things.
I want the energy to do even more fun things with John 😛
I want to not be so sore.
I want to be able to fit into nice clothes.
I want to not look like a cow in a wedding dress.

This is Week 1.


Because I care…

It has come to my attention that there are people out there who do not like me. I am truly crushed. I do not know how I will go on. And for those of you who know me well you just read that last line with my voice in your head with the perfect monotone of sarcasm in which it was intended.

So let me clarify a few things for those of you playing along at home.

I’m getting to the age where I care less and less what people think of me. There comes a point in your life where you figure out who you are and realize that it is far more important to be true to yourself than to try and be someone else in the feeble and fruitless attempt to please other people. I played that charade for many, many years and while I was so busy trying to make everyone else happy I was always miserable and at a loss, unsure of who I was and what I wanted.

I am me. Much like cilantro you’ll either love me or hate me. If you love me it’s probably because you are the same brand of snarky, sarcastic bitch I’ve become. If you hate me that’s ok too. We snarky sarcastic bitches need people to point and laugh at.

Here’s the thing though. I love people. All kinds of people. I give every person I meet the benefit of the doubt and do my damnedest to be nice to them. I’ve been known to bend over backwards for someone I’ve just met because I can and they needed something I could help them with. But we ALL have our limits. There are those people out there who, for whatever mental dysfunction they may have, take my being nice as being weak or whatever. So for those who proceed to abuse such presumption of kindness I have a list. There are a few surefire ways to get yourself on my list. So for your reading enjoyment I have collected some of them below.

I reserve the right to update this list without warning 😉

1. Bitches. Bitch is not gender exclusive. If I meet you and offer you a smile and a hello and all I get in response is a roll of the eyes and some bitchy snark, welcome to my list.

2. Askholes. If you are one of those people who is constantly asking for advice, help, assistance, etc, and I and those in my circle give you legitimate, honest advice and assistance, and you then proceed to go out and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what advice you were given, you are an Askhole. Also note that we don’t want to hear you bitch and moan about how your chronic inability to make intelligent life choices sucks. Seriously, STFU.

3. The willfully ignorant. This is a fun one. I will write more on this particular peeve of mine in the future. There are people in this world who are ignorant for no other reason than that they were fed some line of BS at some point in their development or came to some harebrained conclusion on a topic and made absolutely no effort what so ever to educate themselves further. On the contrary, they have willfully elected to exclude any sort of information or education that may challenge this opinion. Often violently. And it’s not because the information wasn’t available. It isn’t because other people did not try to help the person educate themselves. It isn’t because they had some learning disability that prevented them from further education. No. It’s because they decided (often along with their fringe identity group) that the moon was made of cheese, the Bible says you should beat your wife, the Holocaust didn’t happen, or that AIDS isn’t a real disease. For the love of all that is effing holy pick up a goddamned book or read a newspaper or I dunno, maybe try talking to someone who isn’t as willfully ignorant as you are.

4. Racists, sexists, bigots, homophobes, etc. I spent many years as a D/SV advocate so I’m pretty good at picking up on the conversational cues with these. Please understand that once you’ve been identified as an “ist” pretty much anything else you say/do is going to be null and void with me. Harsh? Maybe. But try spending a few hours in a small room with an abuse victim and you may be a lot less lenient on these things as well.

5. Hypocrites. Don’t say one thing and do another. Just don’t freakin’ do it.

6. Abusers. Don’t abuse people, don’t abuse critters, don’t abuse the planet, etc. Again on the just don’t freakin’ do it.

The really unfortunate part is how many people end up on the list. Some days I seriously start to question my faith in humanity but then I encounter someone who is nice for no other reason than just to be a decent human being and remember that there are still good people out there. Like the guy who took my shopping cart to the cart corral the other day at Wegmans because he just happened to be going that way. Or the teenager who lags a few seconds behind his friends to hold a door open for someone. Simple, decent kind acts that remind me that maybe there’s hope.


Progress

In more ways than one perhaps…

Finished sorting what pages I wanted to keep and which to leave behind. Put the keepers into the new format. Pondering which to add next. And got a very random phone call from a contracting company that wants to talk to me about web QA work which I’ve not done in forever. They are talking around $25/hr. I’m having coffee with her on Friday. So we’ll see how that goes.


Why hello there =}

Fancy seeing you here. I realized while working on Kirby’s new webpage (crochetedbykirby.com) that I hadn’t touched my own webpage since I moved to PA 5 years ago. WOW was it out of date and incredibly clunky. I had started in IT as a native HTML coder and over the years I’ve just fallen out of love with doing a lot of this crap the hard way. WP is amazing and seriously, why make this harder than it has to be, right? So this is the new page in the making. It’ll prolly take some time to get stuff up and some of it will be archived for good.