Rants & Tirades

Why? Because you’re an idiot, that’s why.

So I will begin this with the disclaimer that this post is not aimed at any particular person or people.

But it totally is.

So there seems to be two very distinct personality types on Facebook these days that, each time I see them post, leaves me reaching to toggle off the “Show In News Feed” option. Oddly enough they also tend to be women. And I’m willing to bet anyone else reading this knows these kind of people and have also burnt the willpower to not respond with, in summary, this post.

“OMG look at this totally amazing expensive thing I bought for my pseudo-fetish!”
“I got this amazing dress that was ridiculously expensive for this function I have to go to and will never wear again!”
“Those boots are SO cute that I had to have them in two colors even though they are SO expensive that I shouldn’t have.”
“*cry* I can’t pay my phone bill and my mom won’t help me cover rent *cry* why is life so unfair?”

“(insert meme about what a real man is)”
“(insert meme about some unrealistic romantic fantasy)”
“(insert borderline inappropriate meme about how much of a whore she wants to be)”
“Why can’t I find a man? *cry* Why won’t anyone love me?”

Please. Seriously. Just shut the fuck up.


Hateful BITCH

So there’s been this plant. We don’t know what it is. It was growing in that little strip of dirt between our sidewalk and the neighbor’s sidewalk. It was getting BIG! We weren’t sure if it was a squash, a zuc, a pumpkin, a watermelon, no idea. But it had started to get flowers so we were waiting to see what it was!

So I walk out the door 30 mins ago for my walk. And laying in the grass in that little strip of ground is the plant… ripped up out of the ground, roots bare, wilting in the sun.

THAT BITCH. THAT HATEFUL FUCKING BITCH.

The bitch is the woman who lives next door. No, I don’t know her name nor do I care to. She is hateful. Her parents are hateful. I don’t know if that other guy who keeps showing up is her brother or her boyfriend or what. He’s hateful too. Her son’s father comes by sometimes and he’s a really nice guy. NO idea how that whole thing happened. I don’t know if they are still married or not. OH and don’t forget the poodle. The poodle that is obviously her mother’s that she hates and lets shit in our yard.

So I came back (a little more quickly from my walk because I was fuming) and got my trowel. The plant has now been transplanted to our flower bed. It was empty anyway because I was planning to put a hydrangea there in the spring. I poured about a half gallon of water on it. I’m praying it comes back.

And from here on out, any more dog shit I find in our yard will also be “transplanted” back to her’s where it belongs.


Politics and Religion

So most folks know I started out working on a degree in politics while actively involved in campaigning and ended up a decade later finishing with a degree in religion and very active in my local religious community. Here’s the problem though: I believe everyone has the right to think and believe whatever they want up to the point where they are infringing on same such right of others.

Unfortunately tis the season for elections, specifically the presidential election which always brings out the real crazies. Now see John and I are both moderates. He’s a moderate conservative and I’m a moderate liberal. We don’t agree on everything but we respect each others right to disagree. We agree on more than we disagree. Religion isn’t much different. He was raised Lutheran and is Christian and I’m an animist which, for those of you who weren’t paying attention, is a pagan spirituality. However as above we agree on more than we disagree.

Here’s the thing though. While I am a very accepting person I can not accept the raving lunacy I see coming from the extreme fringes. And I’m not pulling punches here, both sides are guilty as hell. As I’ve said before politics is all one big pile of BS with their hands in all the same pockets, just different flavors depending on what’s popular with their respective fringe at the time. And religion is a man-made construct. That which created us is far greater than us and we are limited by our human experiences and languages to try and define it and answer the primal questions. I don’t care if you call it God, Allah, Yahweh, Goddess, mother, father, or Frank. It’s more important THAT you believe than to get your panties in a twist because someone else calls it something differently than you do.

And yes, as I mentioned, it’s that time of year. And I keep hearing the term “war on religion” thrown around. Bullshit. When you try and force your religion on others, try to pass legislation to make your religion’s mandates the law for -everyone-, and then recoil and attack when those who do not agree protest then YOU are the problem. YOU are the warmonger. Please do us all a favor and either learn to behave yourself or retreat back to the rock from which you crawled out from.

And take your Tea with you, thanks.


Because I care…

It has come to my attention that there are people out there who do not like me. I am truly crushed. I do not know how I will go on. And for those of you who know me well you just read that last line with my voice in your head with the perfect monotone of sarcasm in which it was intended.

So let me clarify a few things for those of you playing along at home.

I’m getting to the age where I care less and less what people think of me. There comes a point in your life where you figure out who you are and realize that it is far more important to be true to yourself than to try and be someone else in the feeble and fruitless attempt to please other people. I played that charade for many, many years and while I was so busy trying to make everyone else happy I was always miserable and at a loss, unsure of who I was and what I wanted.

I am me. Much like cilantro you’ll either love me or hate me. If you love me it’s probably because you are the same brand of snarky, sarcastic bitch I’ve become. If you hate me that’s ok too. We snarky sarcastic bitches need people to point and laugh at.

Here’s the thing though. I love people. All kinds of people. I give every person I meet the benefit of the doubt and do my damnedest to be nice to them. I’ve been known to bend over backwards for someone I’ve just met because I can and they needed something I could help them with. But we ALL have our limits. There are those people out there who, for whatever mental dysfunction they may have, take my being nice as being weak or whatever. So for those who proceed to abuse such presumption of kindness I have a list. There are a few surefire ways to get yourself on my list. So for your reading enjoyment I have collected some of them below.

I reserve the right to update this list without warning 😉

1. Bitches. Bitch is not gender exclusive. If I meet you and offer you a smile and a hello and all I get in response is a roll of the eyes and some bitchy snark, welcome to my list.

2. Askholes. If you are one of those people who is constantly asking for advice, help, assistance, etc, and I and those in my circle give you legitimate, honest advice and assistance, and you then proceed to go out and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what advice you were given, you are an Askhole. Also note that we don’t want to hear you bitch and moan about how your chronic inability to make intelligent life choices sucks. Seriously, STFU.

3. The willfully ignorant. This is a fun one. I will write more on this particular peeve of mine in the future. There are people in this world who are ignorant for no other reason than that they were fed some line of BS at some point in their development or came to some harebrained conclusion on a topic and made absolutely no effort what so ever to educate themselves further. On the contrary, they have willfully elected to exclude any sort of information or education that may challenge this opinion. Often violently. And it’s not because the information wasn’t available. It isn’t because other people did not try to help the person educate themselves. It isn’t because they had some learning disability that prevented them from further education. No. It’s because they decided (often along with their fringe identity group) that the moon was made of cheese, the Bible says you should beat your wife, the Holocaust didn’t happen, or that AIDS isn’t a real disease. For the love of all that is effing holy pick up a goddamned book or read a newspaper or I dunno, maybe try talking to someone who isn’t as willfully ignorant as you are.

4. Racists, sexists, bigots, homophobes, etc. I spent many years as a D/SV advocate so I’m pretty good at picking up on the conversational cues with these. Please understand that once you’ve been identified as an “ist” pretty much anything else you say/do is going to be null and void with me. Harsh? Maybe. But try spending a few hours in a small room with an abuse victim and you may be a lot less lenient on these things as well.

5. Hypocrites. Don’t say one thing and do another. Just don’t freakin’ do it.

6. Abusers. Don’t abuse people, don’t abuse critters, don’t abuse the planet, etc. Again on the just don’t freakin’ do it.

The really unfortunate part is how many people end up on the list. Some days I seriously start to question my faith in humanity but then I encounter someone who is nice for no other reason than just to be a decent human being and remember that there are still good people out there. Like the guy who took my shopping cart to the cart corral the other day at Wegmans because he just happened to be going that way. Or the teenager who lags a few seconds behind his friends to hold a door open for someone. Simple, decent kind acts that remind me that maybe there’s hope.