FAT

Move it fat ass.

So back in September I decided I was tired of being fat and tired. I’m not overly obese but I am certainly far too heavy. So I went into it full bore. I walked nearly every day for the entire month of September. I had energy, I was sleeping well, I was getting shit done, and in the process I lost 15 pounds and my clothes were fitting an awful lot better. I got back into belly dance classes and life was looking good.

Then we got to October. My daily routine got derailed. The daily walks came to a screeching halt. My energy waned. Sleeping, sometimes at all, became an issue. My motivation evaporated. My to do list and stress grew exponentially. Weather got ugly. And come February after some incredibly unprofessional behavior from the instructor I left my belly dance class. And I’ve gained back 7 pounds.

It’s mid April.

I can’t live like this. I want to have energy. I want to SLEEP. I want to get this shit done. I want to DO so much and not just in my head but actually DO it.

I have a new belly dance class that starts tonight. I have some challenging choreography that I have literally a month to learn.

It’s a really nice day out.

I need to go take my walk.


Back from the bottom of the well.

Sooo yeah it’s been three months since I last wrote something. I guess I kinda assume that anyone reading this probably knows me well enough. On the off chance you don’t I’ve dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. I can sink into a deep depression for months at a time. I generally stop communicating (at least communicating very well), stop writing, stop creating, etc. It’s generally a pretty crappy time. John is curiously good at dealing with it so props for him. I’m feeling a smidge better. Two months later. Ughs. Anywho…

I had started a blog post, I kid you not, two months ago that never got finished. Yay for save as draft. I’ll work on finishing that up in a bit.

So an update on the health thing. Tummy troubles are much improved. So that’s a bonus. Problem is that I lose all motivation when I’m depressed so I haven’t been walking in um erk, 10 weeks? I did go walking today. Kinda bummed because my Zombies, Run! isn’t working right 🙁 I sent in a bug report so we shall see. Good news is I didn’t hurt and didn’t have to stop, so didn’t lose all of the progress I had made. Just have to keep doing it. What I really need is an exercise partner, someone to browbeat me into going every day.

The first goal for me was to get under 250. And while I was busy being all uncommunicative I actually got down to 245. Problem is I stopped walking for like 2 months and stuff, so I’m back up to 250. But that’s still better than where I started. New goal is 225. That will put me back at the weight where I last had professional photos done. Still heavy but getting there. End goal is 175. Only, ya know, 75 pounds to go.

I did start writing again and am plotting a tassel belt that I want to see if I can sell, just to see if that’s a viable option. Pondering volunteering again but transportation ends up being an issue there. Otherwise still plodding along here. How’s everybody else?


FAT

Yeah, you heard that right, I’m fat. Been fat for a while now. Had lots of excuses for being fat. I’d blame the fibro, blame my lack of metabolism, blame yadda blame. But you know, I wasn’t always fat. Yes, I’ve got a large frame but I wasn’t always *fat*. And avoidance and denial do nothing but make it worse. Avoiding photos so I don’t have to see it doesn’t make it go away. My back hurts, my knees hurt, and honestly my health is an issue because I allow it to be. It’s not like I didn’t know what I needed to do.

So I’m seeing a new doctor. One that doesn’t make me want to scream. One that isn’t going to pump me full of pills.

I’m getting help for my digestion and metabolism and thyroid and adrenals and all that stuff that is currently pretty screwed up.

I am walking a mile a day, uphill.

John and I have Y memberships we haven’t used since we got them in May, so now we are going every Wednesday to swim.

I run up and down our stairs 4+ times a day because they’re there.

I joined a social network for exercising which, oddly enough, helps motivate me to get my ass out of this chair.

We do eat well, we do. Only eat out once a week and then it’s usually fish or chicken. We eat fish and veggies at home. No soda. No junk food.

When I was younger and healthy I weighed in at 175 lbs. That put my BMI at 26.6 which is a healthy range.

Right now, at my worst, I am 258 lbs and 39.2 BMI, which is bad. Let’s just say bad and leave it at that.

So the goal is to get back below BMI 30. For me that will be 197 lbs.

But I know that’s not enough. So the real goal is to get back below 180. That’s 78 lbs to lose.

I want to be healthy.
I want to not be so tired.
I want to not feel so old.
I want the energy to do fun things.
I want the energy to do even more fun things with John 😛
I want to not be so sore.
I want to be able to fit into nice clothes.
I want to not look like a cow in a wedding dress.

This is Week 1.