It has come to my attention that there are people out there who do not like me. I am truly crushed. I do not know how I will go on. And for those of you who know me well you just read that last line with my voice in your head with the perfect monotone of sarcasm in which it was intended.
So let me clarify a few things for those of you playing along at home.
I’m getting to the age where I care less and less what people think of me. There comes a point in your life where you figure out who you are and realize that it is far more important to be true to yourself than to try and be someone else in the feeble and fruitless attempt to please other people. I played that charade for many, many years and while I was so busy trying to make everyone else happy I was always miserable and at a loss, unsure of who I was and what I wanted.
I am me. Much like cilantro you’ll either love me or hate me. If you love me it’s probably because you are the same brand of snarky, sarcastic bitch I’ve become. If you hate me that’s ok too. We snarky sarcastic bitches need people to point and laugh at.
Here’s the thing though. I love people. All kinds of people. I give every person I meet the benefit of the doubt and do my damnedest to be nice to them. I’ve been known to bend over backwards for someone I’ve just met because I can and they needed something I could help them with. But we ALL have our limits. There are those people out there who, for whatever mental dysfunction they may have, take my being nice as being weak or whatever. So for those who proceed to abuse such presumption of kindness I have a list. There are a few surefire ways to get yourself on my list. So for your reading enjoyment I have collected some of them below.
I reserve the right to update this list without warning
1. Bitches. Bitch is not gender exclusive. If I meet you and offer you a smile and a hello and all I get in response is a roll of the eyes and some bitchy snark, welcome to my list.
2. Askholes. If you are one of those people who is constantly asking for advice, help, assistance, etc, and I and those in my circle give you legitimate, honest advice and assistance, and you then proceed to go out and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what advice you were given, you are an Askhole. Also note that we don’t want to hear you bitch and moan about how your chronic inability to make intelligent life choices sucks. Seriously, STFU.
3. The willfully ignorant. This is a fun one. I will write more on this particular peeve of mine in the future. There are people in this world who are ignorant for no other reason than that they were fed some line of BS at some point in their development or came to some harebrained conclusion on a topic and made absolutely no effort what so ever to educate themselves further. On the contrary, they have willfully elected to exclude any sort of information or education that may challenge this opinion. Often violently. And it’s not because the information wasn’t available. It isn’t because other people did not try to help the person educate themselves. It isn’t because they had some learning disability that prevented them from further education. No. It’s because they decided (often along with their fringe identity group) that the moon was made of cheese, the Bible says you should beat your wife, the Holocaust didn’t happen, or that AIDS isn’t a real disease. For the love of all that is effing holy pick up a goddamned book or read a newspaper or I dunno, maybe try talking to someone who isn’t as willfully ignorant as you are.
4. Racists, sexists, bigots, homophobes, etc. I spent many years as a D/SV advocate so I’m pretty good at picking up on the conversational cues with these. Please understand that once you’ve been identified as an “ist” pretty much anything else you say/do is going to be null and void with me. Harsh? Maybe. But try spending a few hours in a small room with an abuse victim and you may be a lot less lenient on these things as well.
5. Hypocrites. Don’t say one thing and do another. Just don’t freakin’ do it.
6. Abusers. Don’t abuse people, don’t abuse critters, don’t abuse the planet, etc. Again on the just don’t freakin’ do it.
The really unfortunate part is how many people end up on the list. Some days I seriously start to question my faith in humanity but then I encounter someone who is nice for no other reason than just to be a decent human being and remember that there are still good people out there. Like the guy who took my shopping cart to the cart corral the other day at Wegmans because he just happened to be going that way. Or the teenager who lags a few seconds behind his friends to hold a door open for someone. Simple, decent kind acts that remind me that maybe there’s hope.